Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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