my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
