She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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