fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
