Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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