His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
