ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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