I am spending my child support on dildos
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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