We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
