Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
