No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
