Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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