i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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