also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
