you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
