I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
