I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
