i think my mom watched the whole time
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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