You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
