i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
