You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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