it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wish there were birth control emojis
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
