Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
