I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
