You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
