Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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