she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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