i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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