A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
