you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
