bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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