I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
