matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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