ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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