Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
