Will you blow on my dice?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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