I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
