Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
