Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
