I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
