; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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