I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
