Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize