You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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