I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
