I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
