i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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