this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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