Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
