Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
