I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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