remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
