You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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