Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
