I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
