i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
