We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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