how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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