Its about making memories worth repressing
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
