Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
