if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
