I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
