saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
