He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
