No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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