Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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