whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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