I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
