dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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