So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
3pm strippers are depressing
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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