legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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