i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
