i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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