i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Bring me that man meat
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
