I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
