I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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