I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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