i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
