Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
